What are your dreams trying to tell you?

I am an expert on dream interpretation. Have you ever wondered what your dreams mean?

MY DREAM:
Last night I had a dream about Jacob of Twilight fame.  He asked me if I had any "roids."  I replied, "The only 'roids' I have are hemorrhoids."

MY INTERPRETATION:
Since hemorrhoids are the varicose veins of the rectum, one interpretation of this dream would be....I am about to experience something painful and embarrassing in my life.  Another interpretation would be........ I am just a pain in the a@# with a ripped, young lover who is a wolf.