Saturday, January 8, 2011


TEEN HEARTTHROBS!  Every generation has them.  In the late 1970s, teen heartthrob Shaun Cassidy's syrupy sweet love songs, feathered hair and tight satin pants made millions of girls' hearts stand still...but not mine.  
Unlike my friends, I wasn't attracted to the typical teen idol.  I marched to the beat of a different drummer...
that drummer was tripping on acid.

My first crush at age nine was on an actor named Pete Duel. He wasn't a teen and he wasn't much of an idol.  It was impossible to find pictures of him in magazines like Tiger Beat. I'm not sure why I liked him...I didn't care much for his television series, Alias Smith and Jones. Maybe it was those cute dimples Pete Duel had when he smiled.  I spent hours on end squeezing my face and poking my cheeks with a pencil so Pete Duel and I could have matching dimples.  What little girl doesn't want to look like a thirty year old man?

One night shit got real. Pete Duel was drinking heavily and he shot and killed himself. That made him even more attractive to me.  I always had a thing for unavailable men.

Pete Duel...  R.I.P. you sexy thing!

I imagined my future life with Pete Duel. We'd have six boys and live out in the country on a farm.  It would be right on, man!  Never mind that Pete Duel was dead, (a minor detail).

After a while, having a lifeless corpse as a teen idol lost its luster.  At age 11, I fell head over heels in love with the sensitive, wire-rimmed granny glasses wearing, singer/songwriter, John Denver.  He was talented, cute and had blood flowing through his veins. (That's good enough for this Rocky Mountain mama.)

I bought all of his albums, went to his concert and tacked every picture I could find of this blond mop top beefcake on my bulletin board.  Luckily, I had a very small bulletin board since pictures of John Denver in TEEN magazines were as rare as the Sasquatch. I had to draw my own posters (and centerfolds)  for my walls and ceilings.
This outdoorsy, nature-loving poet made my heart go pitter pat.
One of the many portraits I drew of JD!  August 1976

This  portrait is FAR OUT!


Sunshine on my Shoulders

The Eagle and the Hawk

Looking for Space

Rocky Mountain High

Tight pants and unbuttoned shirts eventually won me over and drew me away from John Denver.  At age 14, my brief crush on sexy rock star Peter Frampton was over as soon as it began.

My teen idol phase had finally come to an end.....or had it???... 

This New Moon guy is such a FOX!  (uh...I mean wolf)

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Celebrity Couples

I often wish I was part of a hot celebrity couple...Brad and Angelina (Brangelina), Tom and Katie (TomKat), Kathie Lee and Hoda. 

These power couples are wealthy, famous and SO in love!

Don't we all love seeing pictures of them frolicking on remote, exclusive beaches and hearing their clever and witty back and forth banter? 

Kathy Lee refers to herself as "KLG" and her partner as "Hoda Woman".  Hoda Woman lovingly and willingly allows herself to become a human target for KLG's insults and put downs. 
Makes me wonder...Where's my Hoda Man?

The other day I watched an interview Oprah did with Lisa Marie Presley.  Lisa Marie spoke at length about her marriage to Michael Jackson. She described being with him as intoxicating.  Just being in his presence gave her a high like she had never felt before with anyone, except when her Dad was alive.  

When Lisa Marie's marriage to Michael broke up due to his drug use, who was waiting in the wings?  None other than Debbie Rowe. In her signature wolf tee shirt, she was ready and willing to birth MJ's children.  

I need a male Debbie Rowe who loves me enough to give me his first born children!

Then I think...who am I to complain?  My man and I have been together longer than most celebrity couples. 

True, he finds inanimate objects such as the TV, his phone and the computer infinitely more captivating than me.  

Being in his presence puts me on a high...when he repeatedly pushes my buttons, it causes my heart rate to instantly accelerate and my blood pressure to rise.  

All he has to do is mention his favorite subject: sports, and I begin to yawn and nod off.

Yes, the more I think of it, being with him is intoxicating.  He's on the computer/watching TV and I am passed out on the couch by 9:00 p.m..  He is like a drug for me.  It's the equivalent of massive dose of Propofol every evening.
Sweet Dreams

Sunday, December 5, 2010


Have you ever wondered why you do some of the things you do? Learning about your personality type will change your life

I used to wonder why I felt different. Why couldn't I just "get it together?"  Finally I have something to blame it all on. My rare but wonderful personality type. 


E.  Does it energize you to be with people? If so, like 80% of the population, you are an extrovert.

I:  Does it drain the life out of you to be around people?
Would you rather have a root canal?  (Oops, not a good analogy because one would still have to be around people.)

Do you need time alone to recharge? 

If so, like me, you are an introvert. I'm introspective and I like being alone. Good times!


S: Do you like facts, details, and do you notice what's going on in the moment?  Are you practical?  If the answer is yes, you, like 80% of the population are a SENSING TYPE (S).


N: Or are you a big picture kind of person?  Do you like to imagine future possibilities and theorize?  Are you a dreamer?  If so, you are an INTUITIVE TYPE (N) like me!

Here's a hypothetical example that may or may not have happened in my childhood, age 7: 

Let's just say there were some boys my age, in my neighborhood that were repeatedly setting themselves on fire and rolling down the hill in their yard. I would rather sit back and theorize why they might be doing that than to actually get out there and help them fight the fire they started on themselves.  
My theory: They were practicing STOP, DROP and ROLL, enjoying the moment, and probably didn't want my help, anyway.

Being an INTUITIVE TYPE, and seeing big picture possibilities, I sometimes don't notice details.  For example, I probably won't remember what kind of car you drive. 

I also wouldn't likely notice if you are wearing a live cat on top of your head for a hat or if you are lying on the side of the road in need of help. 

I have too many wonderful and terrible things to think about in my imagination to notice small details like that. 

FEELING TYPES base decisions on feelings.  (60% of women are feeling types.)

THINKING TYPES (T) base decisions on logic. (60% of men are dead inside. I mean, Thinking Types.) 

I used to live with a thinking type.  He was an ESTJ, my opposite.  His passion was hunting.  Coincidentally, my passion was hunting  too....(Hunting for Kleenex, then curling up into a fetal position and sobbing.)

Feeling (F) =  F My Life (FML).


JUDGING TYPES (J):  These folks are orderly, decisive, punctual, disciplined. They love schedules, finish projects and do the "shoulds."

PERCEIVING TYPES (P) like to see all the possibilities before making decisions.  They are open minded, spontaneous, easy going and capable of handling many projects at once.  They go with the flow. 

As a Perceptive type, I have had wonderful experiences when being spontaneous.  

On the other hand, a failure to plan has burned me a few times.

Leaving things unfinished has plagued me.

On the other hand, I always have fun projects to go back to!  If only I could find them...

I'm not much of a fan of doing the "shoulds." 

On the other hand, it's kind of nice doing things because I want to, not because I have to. (Comes from the heart.)

  I wish I was more decisive.
Then again, maybe not, I can't decide..... 

My ability to see possibilities makes me more creative and understanding.

I am an I N F P  (a rare one percent of the population).
Introvert (I)  Intuitive (N)  Feeling (F)  Perceptive (P)

Let's see....introspective,
theory/not facts, 
feelings/not logic
and chaos/not order.

Okay so I'm not very worldly.  On the other hand, what I do have is one hell of an imagination and a lot of glitter and sparkly stuff.  

Oh yeah.... and I can fly.  

(At night when I'm dreaming.)

Thursday, November 25, 2010


What kid wants candles on a watermelon?

My daughter recently told me that there was nothing I could do that would surprise her. 


  • What if I left to do a Walkabout with the Aborigines? 
  • Became a groupie following Justin Bieber, Mylie Cyrus or Barry Manilow?
  • Ran for Senate?
  • Changed my name to Rolf?
  • Trained for a marathon and ate healthily?
  • Started skydiving, extreme motocross or cockfighting?
  • Joined the Merchant Marine?
  • Paid a homeless man to pose as a wealthy tycoon named Rex Sterling.  Then had "Sexy Rexy" con and seduce my arch enemy?
  • Began watching popular stuff like: the Bachelor, Cougar Town or Sports?
  • Embarked on a career as any of the following:  policewoman, monster truck driver, baby seal hunter, contractor, slaughterhouse employee, bus, truck or cab driver, manager,  pilot, mathematician, CEO, surgeon,  accountant, engineer,  the list goes on and on...
  • Underwent plastic surgery to change my identity and look like David Hasselhoff.
Nope, I tried it all, and she's still not shocked by anything I do. 
I wonder how she will feel when I tell her I found her in a dumpster at my prom? 

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

A Mother's Love

Mom with Me

My Mother has been gone for many years now, but I still miss her.  Not a day goes by that I don't think of my Mom.  No one loves so unconditionally as a Mother does.  Countless times over the years, I have wished I could pick up the phone and call my Mom just to talk or to get advice on simple how-tos. 
Mom Holding Me

Well, guess what?  Finally, after all these years I have found a new Mom!  Sure, she's not as loving and pretty as my real Mom was.  My new Mom is saucy, sassy and somewhat shocking.  Not only does she help me, but she helps millions of other souls out there.  She's quite a giver, you see.  You might have heard of her.  Her name is:  The Internet, aka The World Wide Web...but I call her...Mom. 
Wanna know how get a stain out?  My Mom, The Internet knows.  Have a question about the proper way to sew on a button?  My new Mom has all the answers.  Need a recipe for making a white sauce?  She'll show you a million different ways to do it.

You may ask:

Do my new Mom and I have fun together?   You better believe it!  We can go shopping together right in the comfort of my own home!

Can I show up anytime and lounge around on her couch?   No, but I can lounge around on my own couch and talk to her all I want.   "Hi Mom!  Time to watch Oprah together!" 

Bailey sitting on his Grandma's lap.
Can I eat food out of her fridge?   No.   But Mom will help me order food.

Can we go out for coffee together?   Yes!!!  Starbucks it is, Mom!  We can even go to lunch at Panera! 

Will she take my kid to school or babysit?   No?   I don't have a small child, so who cares.  Anyway, she spends lots of time with my adult daughter and her Grand dog.

Will she be there for me anytime?   Well, yeah, unless the power goes out. Indeed, what human could ever be there for someone 24/7?  This Mom won't be around if I become destitute and homeless, which is perfectly understandable.  Why should that sweet lady have to endure the embarrassment of being around a kid who is that much of a loser?

Will she worry about me and give me advice?   Mom's not much of a worrier, but she's got advice out the wazoo if I ask. 

Does my new Mom remember my birthday?   Yes.

How about the events on the day of my birth?  Not the details, and anyway who wants that?  My real Mom almost died having me. 

Does my new Mom remember all my childhood antics?  No.  But she remembers all my recent antics forever somewhere in her sweet, loving hard drive.
Grandma loves her little Grand dog!

(Oh yeah....and Al Gore claims to have invented my Mom ) 

Thursday, November 4, 2010


Hey beeotch, I think it's "Karen Conner BAD ASS!!!"

I can't believe Shannen Doherty stole the title I was going to use for my memoirs....for her new book, "Bad Ass."

I'm way more bad ass than that little title thief.   Here are some examples of my bad girl ways:

1.  I have a long standing fine of $3.55 at the library.

2.  When my husband goes in to buy me a coffee, I say to him...."Don't come back unless it's a large iced Hazelnut, extra, extra light with cream and sugar just like I ordered it."   (I don't even want to see your face until then.)

3. If you mess with me I might complain to a close family member about what you've done. I might even go so far as to send a disapproving glance your way....when you're not looking.

Come on, this is way more bad ass than being mean to people on the set of 90210!!!

This title thievery is an abomination!  It isn't the first time it has happened to me either.  It happened back in '07 when Donald Trump stole my idea with his book, "Think Big and Kick Ass."  That's been my mantra for years!  I'm gonna give these thieves a piece of my mind...probably not though.

Wouldn't you rather read, "THINK BIG AND KICK ASS...In Dog Cuddling and Life?"

Sunday, October 31, 2010


Have you ever thought it would be a good idea to dress up as a ghost, hide in a small room and wait for someone to come in so you could scare her.......


....that person's bloodcurdling scream laced with obscenities scared you so bad that you kind of wet your pants?

Scariest Moment of Your Life have I.   I was just askin'.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Do You Ever Wish You Had a Clone?

Sometimes (especially when I'm really busy) I wish I had a clone.  The possibilities are endless.  My clone could be getting her hair done while I'm at the bank.  Or while I'm scrubbing toilets she could be at Foxwoods gambling.  When I'm at the grocery store, my clone could be cozily curled up on the couch in a fetal position, crying with a self-help book in her hand.  Maybe she'd want to cuddle my dog Bailey while I argue with my husband.

I wonder if my clone and I would argue much.  We'd likely argue over which one of us is more special or fancier than the other.

It would be painful to watch her make the same mistakes I make or see her eating chips and Halloween candy for breakfast and lunch every day.

A lot to ponder....I was thinking about all this while driving to the grocery store this morning. Then, being distracted (deep in thought) I kind of almost hit someone.  My clone could have alerted me if we were together.  No, she'd probably be at home doing something really exciting.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Fall: A Time for Letting Go

Autumn has always been my favorite time of year.  There are some, however, that struggle with Autumn because it is a reminder that Winter is near. Sadness comes over them when they see the falling leaves.  Actually Autumn is a journey toward life  The dead leaves are transformed by Winter snows and Spring rains into rich material for new growth.  The earth waits in this process of growth for the unknown and the unseen beauty of another season.  New growth of Spring cannot happen until Autumn lets go of what has been. The same is true in our lives.  We cannot grow without change.  The falling leaves are subtle reminders that we are asked to let go of many things in our lives.  It is a time for us to let go of whatever keeps us from growing. 

Fall's changing weather may prompt you to make changes....cashing in spare change, changing batteries in smoke detectors, undergoing a sex change operation.

You may need to to let go in other ways: 

Letting go of that husband with the wandering eye so that a hunky new man can come into your life.

Letting go of old outdated clothing styles you desperately cling to.

For me it is as simple as letting go of an old resentment.  Like maybe that time in second grade when Sister Amata came up from behind, grabbed me by the shoulders and shook the daylights out of me for no apparent reason. (That tiny ole battle ax was always yanking my chain.)

Autumn is a season of change and it reminds me that I am changing too.  Help me throw off those things that hold me down.  Help me understand I cannot live in summer forever.  I am made to change and this season is part of it.  Let me embrace this time of change, and become something new.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Your Dog's Right to Choose

I think it's nice to let your dog choose what Halloween costume he's going to wear.  My dog has his very own Halloween box filled to the brim with fanciful costumes! He invariably pulls out his favorite, a plush yellow and black bumble bee costume with shiny silver wings. It just so happens to be the softest and most luxurious one of the bunch!

Bailey loves all the attention he gets when he's dolled up, and knows there will be a fun day ahead!
You can catch him buzzing up to the pumpkin patch to feast on hot dogs, fries and orange soda. After a photo shoot in front of some mums and pumpkins,  he loves to  pop his bumble bee head out the window on a Fall leaf-peeping drive.
My little Howl-oweener

I let my dog make choices in other areas in his life as well...

"Bailey, do you want to be quiet right now?  No?  You want to keep howling?  OK!  Howl all you want. It's good to let your emotions out.  It's safe. This house is a cry friendly zone!"

"Would you like to stop growling and biting?  No?  I know, it's fun to play and I want you to have a happy life.  Oh, I're angry.  My mistake.  Well, it's good to get it out, not let it fester."

Do you think you might want to get down from there?
OK,  I see you're choosing not to.

Here's a question I often ask giving him two choices:
"Are you my friend...or are you my friend?"
"Well, I guess you are my friend then!"

Mon Ami

Friday, October 15, 2010


I am not into extreme sports (or any sports for that matter) unless you call decorating or gardening a sport.  In those cases I LOVE taking it to the X-TREME. I'm a high endurance athlete who loves living on the edge.

An X-treme sport  is a popular term for certain activities perceived as having a high level of inherent danger, and that are counter-cultural. These activities often involve speed, height, a high level of physical exertion, and highly specialized gear or spectacular stunts. A feature of such activities in the view of some is their alleged capacity to induce an adrenaline rush in participants.

I'm out there in my gardening gloves, slammin' some Mountain Dew, free styling past the yellow jacket nest in the flower garden.  Next I'm in a helmet, repelling off the side of my house, tying a bat, a ghost and some cobwebs off the highest corners.
My X-treme Sports Combined
I have been decorating since late September. Hope my endurance
holds out until Halloween.  I'm up for the challenge, though.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

HALLOWEEN DECORATING / Creepy Cloth~revisited

CREEPY CLOTH:  Beautiful but dangerous

In the previous post, we discussed the wonders and many uses of creepy cloth.  But I feel that it's only fair to let you know some of the pitfalls and dangers of this strange and wondrous weave.

Yesterday as I was decorating, I was standing on a chair that was wrapped in Creepy Cloth.  When I stepped down to get off the chair, my foot became entangled in the web-like material.  I tripped and almost tumbled off the chair.  Later, I stood on the same chair (thinking I'd be extra careful this time) and it happened again!  I was ensnared.  I could have fallen and gashed my head on the stone fireplace!

A few minutes later, for some strange reason, my house-trained dog of 11 years decided to lift his leg on the creepy cloth I had draped over a table.

"I guess every rose has its thorn."     Poison
Was my faithful friend trying to exact revenge on this mysterious cloth?

We want our decorations to be scary but this is not the kind of fright we are looking for!

How can something so glorious be so deadly?

Wednesday, October 13, 2010


My new find:  CREEPY CLOTH

For me, this is the year of the Creepy Cloth.  I just can't say enough about it.  It's creepy, it's clothy and it hides a multitude of sins. Sometimes known as Forbidden Fabric or Trickster Trap, it comes in spooky shades of gray, beige, and black.  I put it everywhere, over tables, chairs, windows....just about anything!

 Try it!  I think you'll agree that you can't get enough of it's creepy clothiness!!!!

Creepy's a lifestyle.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Tip of the Day: Don't Be Impulsive

It is never good to be impulsive.

Let me give you an example:  This is purely hypothetical, mind you.  Let's just say a certain someone suggested you write a blog, so you did.  On impulse, in a moment of crazy hilarity you posted it for all the world to see.  Later (after a good night's sleep) you decided that you probably should have given it more thought.  But it was too late, the deed was done.


(Hope you enjoyed this tip and the accompanying hypothetical example. Sure, I could have given you an example of some impulsive thing I've done in my life, but I think this hypothetical one is good enough. You get the idea.)

Monday, October 11, 2010

What are your dreams trying to tell you?

I am an expert on dream interpretation. Have you ever wondered what your dreams mean?

Last night I had a dream about Jacob of Twilight fame.  He asked me if I had any "roids."  I replied, "The only 'roids' I have are hemorrhoids."

Since hemorrhoids are the varicose veins of the rectum, one interpretation of this dream would be....I am about to experience something painful and embarrassing in my life.  Another interpretation would be........ I am just a pain in the a@# with a ripped, young lover who is a wolf.